Car Metaphors

Sunday came and Josh woke up with a terrible croupy cough. He was weazing and miserable so off we went to the emergency room. Of course he is just like a tempermental car and he refused to make the noise for the doctor. They thought I was overprotective of him. I did request his bloodwork be done as I knew we would need it today and I thought it would speed things up today. They drew the blood and told me to go home, they would call if there was anything wrong. Well last night at 10:15 they called and said that his hemoglobin was low. It should be at least 10 but anything below 8 is serious. Joshua was at 7.3. They told me that we should come in first thing in the morning and they would be ready to give blood then. Unfortunately, they did not type and cross his blood type and we got there at 9:30 and they were not ready. We had an appointment for a hearing test but we missed it because they would not let us leave the unit during the infusion of blood. We were there from 9:30 to 6pm.
The good news is that even though his hemoglobin was so low, his other counts are moving up. So now that we have topped off his tank, so to speak, we are hoping he will feel a little better. He has been so tired and just not feeling well. He is still tired tonight but that may just be the long day we had today. We got him to bed and I hope he wakes up doing well tomorrow. Unfortunately, this means that we have to come back to the hospital for counts on Friday and because the hearing test was missed we are waiting to hear (no pun intended) when that will be. This is supposed to be our week off of treatment for him to relax and feel good so it is a bummer.
All in all things are ok, the doctors think he is doing great. I guess my definition of great is different than theirs. I want him to smile more and worry less. I want him to have energy and confidence. One thing I want for him he has, his testimony is stronger all the time. He seems so grounded in his faith. He doesn't worry about missing anything as much as he worries about missing church. He is always waiting for Sunday and if he can't go he is so down. I am so lucky to have a special spirit in Josh. He truly has a greater understanding and I just pray I can learn from him. Meanwhile he is ok and we will take tomorrow as it comes. Thanks for your prayers and keep them coming we need them. Lets park our cars and remember to slow down and walk through life, we don't want to miss it.

Test Results

Well the test results are in! Josh's 3 month MRI is good! He is stable and shows no new tumor. I can not tell you how much those words mean to me. We worry every time he takes these tests. We are concerned right now because he has no white blood cells. Monday his white blood cell count was .2. That is not even high enough to count his ANC (ability to fight infection) We went back today and he is at .6. Still not registering but higher. We will go back on Monday and see if it is still moving up. They expect that it will but we have to be very careful till then. He missed scouts and will miss primary on Sunday. We will let him go to sacrament with a mask.

It is so hard all these ups and downs. Right now Josh is very down, and it is getting harder and harder for him to come back up. He knows that his MRI was good but he just feels bad and tired and a little nausea so it makes him down. He is having a hard time because each cycle is getting harder and he does not see the end. Some people think we are close to the end and he should be getting excited but this when it gets rough. His body is just beat up and he is discouraged. We have an apointment with a phycologist (did I spell that wrong?) on Monday so we will work on stategies to get him through the next couple of months.

We are grateful for all your support. We hope to have more good news everyday and most of it comes from you. Please do not think we are not grateful for the good news we have. It is another 3 months we have been given and I will take all I can get. It is just hard to be happy when he is not. I keep thinking of the miracles of the Savior when he was on the earth. We are given little miracles each day and I have to look for them and makes sure he sees them too. Keep praying, we need it and I know our blessings are because of it. Thank you.

Thanksgiving with Grandma and Grandpa

We had so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa! We made a gingerbread house and went on bear hunts every night! Hope this brings you a smile today. I will post again later in the week with Joshua's MRI results. Love and prayers to all.

PS. Go to the bottom and pause the music before playing the video so you can hear it!

Hospital, Hard Times, Happy Thanksgiving

Well another hospitalization over. This was the B cycle and it was easy last time. He went in on Friday and they infuse the chemo over 2 days. Saturday he did great but Sunday he woke up sick. He started throwing up even before he tried to eat. They gave him meds and he slept. He continued to be sick every time he woke up and 2 hours later the doctor came in for rounds. He had about 6 fellows with him and they stood around the bed. The doctor said everything looked good and Josh could go home in a couple of hours. Gordon tried to explain about him being sick and the doctor didn't seem concerned. Then a fellow bumped the bed and woke up Josh. He proceeded to start up again. The problem is it is pretty violent and he can't stop till he falls asleep again. Needless to say the doctor was shocked and very upset. He said of course he could not go home till they got it under control and told the fellows they would have to come up with an immediate plan for new meds and a way to stop it. Well they put another anti nausea on board while he slept. He was more stable when he woke up but now had diarrea too. The men from our church came and gave Josh and Gordon the sacrament and a blessing and Joshua turned a corner. He was able to come home last night late and is sleeping in this morning. If he can wake up and take his anti nausea and keep down some breakfast we will be doing great.

Every cycle is getting harder on Joshua. Every time I think this will be the last time I let them do this to him. Then I think I have to keep going and do what they tell us to do. It is very hard, to see him suffer, and know that we cause it with these terrible drugs. When we picked up Joshua last night we had the children in the car in their jammies and Rachel said "did the doctors give you the bad medicine again Josh?" Even she knows on some level what is happening. But we have to have faith that this is the right thing to do and it will make a difference for Joshua. For now I am just happy to have him home. I look in on him sleeping in his bed and want him to stay there forever. I guess that I am just silly.....

Well, I have to go. Our house is its usual mess and Gordon's Mom and Dad are coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving. We have a lot of shopping to do and even more cleaning. This year we have lots to be thankful for. First, we are still together as a family. Second, Gordon's Mom and Dad will be here. And last but definately NOT least -----Gordon has got a new job! He starts the 1st of December and it is a great position. I am very proud of him, he has worked hard for this opportunity and he is ready for it. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving, and I pray you have a long list of things to be thankful for. We are thankful for you and the blessing your prayers bring. Happy Thanksgiving.

Ok, this is not so much about Joshua and mostly about Gordon and I. If you are bored you may log out and I will post as soon as Josh gets out of the hospital this weekend. (He is scheduled for chemo Friday).

Are those the biggest shrimp you have ever seen? They are gulf shrimp and we each ate one before the picture but the were great. Second, isn't Gordon cute bowling? Let me explain what all this is about.

There is a new organization called Your Day Away. One day a year they work to give parents of critically ill children a day out. They get spas and resturants and hotels to donate services so parents can get a day out or overnight if they can do it. We of course could not do that but they arranged for us to go to the movies and bowling and dinner. The movie did not happen because the theater lost power and was closed. However we had a blast bowling at the Pearland Bowling alley. Great lanes and nice people. Afterwards we drove around and then went out for the fanciest dinner I have ever had. Gordon had a dry aged rib eye 16oz steak. It cost $46! That did not even include the baked potato! WOW, the food was great and the resturant was wonderful to us. Killens is a local place and very nice but you would never know there is a resession there - every table full and the average bill for dinner for 2 was $150. It really was great to have from 1 in the afternoon till about 9:30 at night to ourselves. Special thanks goes to Sarah for babysitting for the long haul. Since we did not get to the movies we did the grocery shopping and even that was fun. It has been so long since Gordon and I had a day together and could just laugh. He even let me stop in Pier One Imports to drool over this season hand blown eastern european christmas ornaments. Anyway, it was nice. Even when everything is calm around here we have so much on our plates that we don't seem to relax much anymore so this was a dream. One funny note - Rachel freaked out when we got home. Apparently we have never left her for that long with both of us gone and she did ok till bed time. When we got home she cried for at least 20 minutes in our arms and would not let us go. She was doing that hiccup cry and it was very sweet and a little silly too. She is tough but very tender too.

Well, Josh is doing ok and we are just keeping him healthy till he goes in the hospital on Friday. Daddy is going to go and stay this time so that will be fun for Joshua. This is a B cycle so we really do not know how he will do but I will let you know. You are all in our prayers and we love you.

Pretty Good News and Ponds

Sorry that it has taken so long to get this post in! We went to the doctor on Monday and got good news, his counts are up. Joshua is rebounding at last from this last cycle and doing well. Hopefully we can have a few weeks peace till the next cycle on the 21st. I am a little worried 'cause he says his throat is scratchy and there is a cold going around but I will hold my breath and it will be ok. Meantime the hearing news is not so good. His hearing loss is still in the 6000 -12000 megahertz range but it has gone from mild to moderate so the amafostine doesn't seem to have helped. The only good thing is that he only has to have the drug that is doing this damage 2 more times so hopefully he will be done before the damage is too great. The hearing specialist was very concerned and told us she put her recommendations in to the oncologist but we will have to wait till at least the 21st to discuss it. The cycle we are doing next doesn't have this drug and the ones we are taking have less affect. They still want to do hearing tests every four weeks to watch the progression.
Well we are working with the insurance company but may never see our adjustment. The mortgage company has lost the check for good and we had to ask for a stop payment on it. That means we may not see that money for 45 days or more. As for the rest, they are still haggling about the amount and who knows what or when they will settle it. I am really bummed, I hoped to have the house fixed for when Gordon's Dad and Mom come but it won't even be started. Oh well, I have moved my attention on to the gingerbread house I am planning to make with Maurine and the kids. I even found blue fruit rollups for a pond.

Surprises, Statistics, and Smiles

I thought you would love this picture. As usual there is a story that goes with it. Sunday morning Gordon went to a meeting and I got in the shower. When I got out I came downstairs to check on the kids (they were watching a video). As I got to the bottom of the stairs I found a man in my foyer with the little ones. I had not even heard the door bell. I was shocked and embarrassed because I was in a towel! I told him to come in and ran upstairs. It took me a minute because I knew he was family but I was so surprised I could not think who it was. After I got dressed I realized that it was Bill Grohoski. Bill is one of our relatives in New York. That explains why I was so surprised to see him. Turns out that he was in Texas on business and had a couple of extra hours and wanted to see the kids. We were so glad to see him and had a wonderful visit. I want to take this time to remind everyone that while our house may be a mess and I may be underdressed, we love to see family and you are always welcome.

Now, on to statistics. Josh is neutropenic again. That means that his counts are in the unsafe range and we are on high alert. No scouts or primary at church. We go back the doctor on Monday for a hearing test and they will check his counts again. Hopefully his counts will go up over the weekend. They are talking about a platelet transfusion now. We will know on Monday. Do you see the theme happening here. We keep waiting. I don't mind so much as long a Joshua is doing well at home. We kind of like going to the clinic all the time. (hahaha)

Well I just want to leave you with our love and a smile. I know that the kids look a little goofy in this shot, the sun was bright. But I hope you can smile, one because I am always a mess, two because my beautiful children and our wonderful relatives look great, and three because Josh is home and happy and feeling good today.