Monday

The weekend was surreal, it was so wonderful to have Gordon home but again I feel like I am standing still. I was nervous about going to church. I just didn't know how it would be, part of me has to keep telling people, it makes it real and I am more able to accept it. But I didn't know if I was going to keep it together either. We told Josh yesterday cause we didn't know if we would be able to keep it from him and wanted to be able to answer his questions. He was Joshua to a T! We told him about the tethered cords and he was excited that the fix would be permanent and he would walk normally. Then we said they found something in his brain. He looked at us jokingly and said "is it a tumor". I said yes it was and he was shocked. He said" I was just kidding" and I said "well, I am not" He asked if it was cancer and we told him we don't know but don't think so and then he was fine with it. We emphasized that we feel strongly that Heavenly Father brought us to Nebraska so we could find this tumor and fix it and that we are being very blessed, he is healthy and strong and it will all be ok. After that he went off to play and didn't seem the least worried. At church he asked if he could tell his class his "news". He then told them he had tethered cords and a tumor in his brain. They were shocked but didn't say much. I had to call all the moms that night and apoligize for not warning them so they could talk to their kids. I never thought he would just tell everyone, he is definately my son! Everyone is very supportive and offering to help. We will be ok,,,,,I hope. Today I am working on calling all of his old doctors and getting medical records so we will have more information. At least I am doing something. Just waiting for the next appointment is terrible. I did go to the school this morning and tell his teacher and the counselor. They are going to talk to his class, a little girl just passed away from brain cancer and they don't want any other children to be frightened.
I am getting there but this this still behind, this is from Monday the 19th of November........